Written on March 7th, 2010 at 01:03 am by Darren Rowse
7 Tips to Keep Your Family On-Board for Your Blogging Journey
A guest post by Dustin Riechmann of Engaged Marriage.
My life is pretty typical for a 30-year old family man these days. I do my best to maintain a hectic schedule and the demands that come with balancing a wife, kids, a full-time career, a mortgage, church, community service, tee ball practice, my daughter’s tea parties and the occasional beer or round of golf with my buddies.
Oh yeah, and I’m a blogger, too.
Does This Sound Familiar?
You crawl into bed several hours after what would be considered a normal bedtime. Sure, you are short on sleep and you have a big meeting in the morning, but you are feeling pumped about the great post you just knocked out. This could be the pillar content or the guest post for ProBlogger that puts your blog on the map.
Is your spouse happy for you, or do they feel left out or abandoned?
Of course, the answer to this hypothetical (but really important) question won’t hinge on your actions on one particular night spent working late. The way your spouse and/or kids view your online pursuits will be based on the way they have been impacted and where they feel they fit into your many priorities.
A healthy family life is not only critical for your happiness but for your success in blogging. The creation, growth and maintenance of a remarkable blog requires a great deal of energy and hard work. And if you are constantly fighting the resistance of those in your own household, you are simply not able to sustain the required effort for the long haul.
7 Tips to Build Family Support for Your Blog
I have experienced these struggles first-hand during my first six months of blogging, and I happen to write on the topic of building an extraordinary marriage and family life.
Here are some tips that should help keep your spouse happy and your family supportive of your admirable efforts:
1. Set Priorities and Keep Them
Trust me, I know how easy it is to become totally obsessed with your blog, and this is especially true when you are getting started and trying to do so many different things to create a quality site and attract an audience. I think this passion is an awesome thing, and if you don’t have it you probably need to question your chosen niche or maybe even your desire to be a serious blogger.
However, you really need to take a step back and make sure you have your priorities straight. If you have a family (and you like them and would prefer that they stick around), you cannot let your blog trump your love and attention to them. Set your priorities, communicate them clearly and then let your actions confirm your good intentions.
2. Create Healthy Boundaries
The best way to stay true to your priorities is to create some boundaries with your time. For example, I have established a “no computer time” rule for myself where I don’t use the laptop (or my smart phone) between the time I get home from work and when we get the kids to bed. By setting up this boundary, I free my time and my mind to enjoy my children, play outside or help my wife out with dinner each evening.
Tell your spouse about your boundaries and encourage them to let you know if they see you slipping and not holding true to your commitments. Your family should be your best accountability partner, and they’ll know better than anyone when they feel like you’re not keeping them your top priority.
3. Communicate Your Reasons for Blogging
Why are you investing all this time and effort into blogging anyway? Take the time to tell your loved ones why your blog is important to you and how you see it as a benefit for your family.
It could be that you see it as a creative outlet, it makes you a better person or simply that you want to make money with your blog. Whatever your reasons, I’d bet that your intentions are good and that your entire household could be helped by your hard work. Tell them about it!
4. Sacrifice Personal Time, Not Family Time
If you have made the commitments that should come along with marriage or having children, it’s vital that you don’t push those aside in deference to your time online. We already talked about setting priorities, but the way you prove your intentions is in how you spend your time.
When you need to put your blog time into overdrive to meet a deadline or create your own product, it will require a sacrifice of time from some other area of your life. If you want your family to stay on-board with your efforts, you must sacrifice your own personal time. This may mean skipping poker night or a girl’s night out, but it shouldn’t mean missing your date night with your spouse or your daughter’s school play.
5. Seek Their Input
If you want your family to love your blog as much as you do (okay, so that’s not possible), try to get them involved in some way. This could be as simple as having your spouse proofread a post, or it could mean that you share your thoughts about a recent family event with your audience in a relevant way.
The way you handle this will obviously depend on your niche. I wouldn’t expect many writers to share the same level of personal stories as someone with a marriage blog, but you can surely find a way to make your family feel like they have at least a small ownership in your efforts.
6. Don’t Get Too Personal
While you want to get their input, you need to be careful not to cross the line by sharing too much personal information on your site to the point that your family becomes uncomfortable. You should have a general agreement with your spouse about what is okay to include in a blog post, such as using real names, personal stories or family photos.
My site discusses some pretty intimate issues (sex, money and spirituality for instance), and I love to include personal examples to help create compelling content. However, we have discussed this issue thoroughly, and my wife is totally cool with it as long as I don’t get too crazy. In fact, that’s actually my family in the picture above for all of ProBlogger nation to scrutinize.
Make sure you define the “personal line” with your family and don’t cross it without their permission.
7. Be Inspired By Your Family
You love your family, and if you are like me, they motivate you to do great things. Let your time with them fuel your motivation and inspire you to have an awesome blog.
This could be as simple as breaking writer’s block by goofing around with your kids, or it could mean literally writing a post based around a unique family experience. Let the love and energy your family provides shine through in your writing.
You Can Have It All
A successful blog requires some late nights and a lot of time. There really is no substitute for hard work, and you are not going to get the results you desire without a significant investment of your energy and attention.
However, if you keep things in perspective and make the proper investments in your relationships, you can have a thriving blog amidst all the craziness of life. More importantly, you can have the awesome marriage and healthy life that your entire family deserves.
So, what will you do to ensure that your family remains supportive of your blogging journey?
I’ve gotta run…I have a date night planned with my wife. And soccer practice bright and early tomorrow morning.
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage with the mission of helping others achieve the extraordinary in marriage and in life. Please visit his site for more proactive and practical advice on topics ranging from Sex to Spirituality…and find him on Facebook and Twitter.
107 Responses to “7 Tips to Keep Your Family On-Board for Your Blogging Journey” - Add Yours
Davor Gasparevic @ Ebooks blogspot
March 7th, 2010 1:17 am
This is the growing issue in my family too. The difference is that I am a son, not a father or husband. My parents don’t like what I am doing. They would rather prefer me to just stick to my college duties, not spending a single minute in front of computer screen than necessary. However, I can’t.
2-3 months ago was the toughest time for me and them. We practically argued and screamed at each other every day.
Now it’s much better – they simply got used to the fact that I spend additional minimum 4-5 hours exploring the Internet marketing, blogging and making money online opportunities – it’s simply what I do, what I like and where I see myself in the future.
We made a silent compromise – I agreed that I won’t neglect my education (although I would rather just leave college and totally dedicate myself to the online world :D), and they “agreed” to let me pursue my dreams.
I guess that once when I become a father and a husband (if) I will also have to make some kind of balance between the two realities.
Stepfanie
March 7th, 2010 1:23 am
I really love this post. I think that is what I’ve been struggling with the most when deciding to take blogging more seriously this year. I really love how it’s best to keep them informed, and that you should sacrifice personal time vs. family time. Great Post!
http://www.stepfaniestimeout.com
http://www.theladybloggers.com
Monique
March 7th, 2010 1:32 am
Hiya Dustin,
I totally agree with all of the suggestions you’ve written here, and already do all of them.
Got any advice for how to get parents and siblings on board? I’ve found this category to be the most troublesome.
Daniel Johnston
March 7th, 2010 1:34 am
Awesome points! Blogger’s love to blog, and I can definitely see how this would go too far without setting boundaries. My family allows me to put names and photos, but not talk about their life without their permission, and I only take out my own time to blog. I can only imagine if I had a big event that was really important and my family didn’t come because they were blogging.
Although they don’t really know what to make of blogging, they are supportive because I love it.
Glen Allsopp
March 7th, 2010 1:54 am
Very nice, Dustin.
I have never really had to pursue blogging around my family, but I’ve definitely had to fit it in around college and work life (although I’m fortunate enough now to do it full-time).
Whenever I do write about my family on a blog, I simply say ‘My dad’ or ‘my mom’ or ‘my brother’. I don’t use real names as it doesn’t make the reason for including them any different – basically, it isn’t necessary.
Good job
Kevin Decker
March 7th, 2010 1:56 am
Great tips Dustin and a big thank you to Darren for sharing your message on his blog.
I just asked my wife were my son is and she said “I don’t know, he is out of my line of site.” I think that in blogging, in work, in marriage, in family, etc. we tend to get so focused on one thing that stuff that matters get “out of our line of site.” Your post helps broaden our focus keeping the important things in the picture.
Again, Thank you both.
Kevin Decker
Jeff Nickles
March 7th, 2010 2:03 am
Dustin – This is a terrific article that really brings to light a very difficult issue that many bloggers have to navigate. I know it has been hard for me at times and especially when I was just getting started.
I think you’ve offered a lot of terrific ideas that I’ve used at one time or another. One other thing I’d suggest is to be sure you are really present when you are with your spouse and family. It is easy to be with them, but thinking about your next post or how you want to modify the content in your sidebar. Try not to do this. Make the people in your life feel they get all of you when you are with them and they will likely feel better about the times you sneak off to spend a few hours on the computer. This has really helped me to keep my family on-board.
Thanks for the great advice!
Laura
March 7th, 2010 2:06 am
I think my favourite point is the boundaries one – a time where you don’t use a laptop or blackberry. That is the one I am going to try out.
I’m an artist, blogger and business person, as well as mom to a 2 year old and wife to an equally motivated husband. I’ve found that basic boundaries ( like no twitter before naptime) make for a happier baby. Its just a matter of getting my other tasks and obsessions in line =)
Joel Libava
March 7th, 2010 2:06 am
Dustin,
Thank you for writing about a topic that’s really needed some ink.
Here’s where my personality (Along with a good dose of A.D.D.) comes in;
If I get an idea for a post, and just start writing it, it is hard to stop halfway through, unless it’s a post that is more informational in nature, as opposed to something that’s a bit more personal.
What I’m saying is that attempting to put some time boundaries in place is a good 1st step, but the action part of that step may a tad more challenging for some of us.
Again, thank you.
The Franchise King®?
Andy Fogarty
March 7th, 2010 2:16 am
Oh man, this is all me.
When I broke away from the norm, almost a year ago, I had a very hard time with juggling everything in a way that felt right. The real difficult part was that my wife’s side project had started to really take off at the same time. So trying to juggle are 2 little girls was interesting to the least.
I’m very blest in that my wife has always been 100% supportive of my crazy ideas. I’m sure it helps that I’ve always been the same way for her. She’s also not afraid to tell me if I’m getting to crazy, and I completely trust her judgement.
With two insanely busy and opposite schedules we’ve managed to grow closer with each other and our kids instead of further apart. But we couldn’t do it without setting our goals and priorities. Sure we don’t get as much time alone without thinking about our different projects, but we’ve somehow found a method that works for us while keeping our girls involved.
It’s not always easy, but we both love what we do and the life we’re building together. None of it would be possible without the support we give each other.
Brad Chaffee
March 7th, 2010 2:16 am
Dustin, you nailed it my friend! When I first started blogging in 2008, my wife and I hit a few snags. (Don’t worry, she is okay with me sharing this…lol) My wife just couldn’t understand why in the world would I want to spend so much time on the computer. She understood my passion, realized that what I talk about is needed in many households, but couldn’t understand the overwhelming amount of hours put into it.
I actually had to sit down with her and explain how this blogging thing works and why I was so motivated to offer myself up to the world. At first she saw it as no different than sitting in front of the tv to play video games or something. She thought it was just me time so to speak, but it wasn’t until I started showing her emails and ways that I had impacted someone’s life because of my blog.
To make a long story short, I have had to make sure I do not cross the line as far as neglecting my family. After all, I am the one missing out the most by doing so, and my family is definitely my top priority. After watching my blog grow, my wife is totally on board now and I no longer have to hear those remarks that seemed to suggest, this blogging stuff was all for nothing. I had to met my wife half way, and that meant opening up the doors of communication to find out what bothered her and why, and how we could move forward from there.
This is an excellent post, and congratulations for making yourself visible on such an awesome blog! Darren and this site have truly made a difference for my blog in so many ways, on so many levels!.
Great job Dustin!
Thea Grace
March 7th, 2010 2:19 am
I love all of what was posted. It’s really a helpful one for those who already have a family and for those who are still planning to have one. It’s a guide, isn’t it?
More and more power to all bloggers!
Bucksome Boomer
March 7th, 2010 2:27 am
Dustin, great points about blog and life balance.
I learned to walk the work line balance beam as a young working mother and wife. Now that my kids are adults, the blog (and according to said kids the dog) is what I balance.
Dan Cosgrove | Martial Media
March 7th, 2010 2:31 am
Good points. With my daughters getting older, I can’t imagine them being too happy if I started posting personal stories on the blog.
“Sacrifice personal time, not family time.” Is probably the BEST advice for bloggers.
On top of family time, people shouldn’t blow off personal relationships with friends.
Roman Soluk
March 7th, 2010 2:49 am
Thanks for the post.
Very important for me, as I’m always trying to find the inspiration for my blogging inside my family.
DJ Wetzel
March 7th, 2010 2:53 am
Hey Dustin,
Man awesome post. And congrats on the ProBlogger guest post! This balance between blogging and family becomes even more critical because for me I am trying to escape my 9-5 job and earn an income online. However, to get to that point you will basically be working two full time jobs before you are able to separate from your 9-5. Balancing family and work is hard, but the rewards are huge!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:23 am
Thanks everyone! It’s truly an honor to have a post featured on Problogger.
@Monique I would say that several of these tips would also apply to other family and friends. However, in my opinion, I wouldn’t put as much of a priority on “pleasing” your parents, siblings or friends. If you are married, then your spouse (and kids) are your primary family unit and your primary concern.
That said, I think the key to dealing with everyone else is to explain why you are passionate and to stress that YOUR family is supportive of your efforts. At some point, you just have to say “oh well” and show them the fruits of your efforts later. Just my opinion of course. :)
Leslie Limon
March 7th, 2010 3:29 am
This is such a great post! I ask my hubby and kiddies if it’s okay to blog about certain events and situations, and only blog about it with their permission. I’m also very respectful of my in-law’s privacy, always asking if it’s okay first! :D
Hope you’ll write more posts directed at those of us with personal family blogs. :D
Thomas Griffin
March 7th, 2010 3:29 am
Dustin,
Thanks so much for your advice. I feel convicted of not having my priorities straight and I must repent. Even though I am not yet married (but hopefully will be soon!), as a new blogger I find myself in the addicted mode. I really need to step back and take a look at my own priorities! Thanks so much for this post!
Thomas
Chris Pontine
March 7th, 2010 3:42 am
You state
“4. Sacrifice Personal Time, Not Family Time”
This is something I know everyone should work on because I know personally I enjoy blogging and checking everything out at the wrong time. I think it is very important to find that time where usually you would be running, playing video games and more and enjoy a good blogging time instead so you can enjoy it in a healthy manner and still have that great quality time with your family.
Elizabeth | The Natural Capital
March 7th, 2010 4:04 am
This resonates very much with my experience. My DH loves the stuff I write but not the time I spend writing it. The time boundaries are KEY. For me that means turning the computer completely off and walking away. And having a buffer of pre-written posts so the blog doesn’t get in the way of life, or the other way around.
Ami Palgi
March 7th, 2010 4:10 am
Hi Darren,
I’ve made a resolution that one day a week (usually Saturday) I’m not going to touch the computer or my blog.
On this day I go traveling with my wife, swimming, and try to stay out of the house.
This has actually been very productive for me because the next day I’m more energized and usually come up with some great ideas for my posts.
Ami
Bee a Blogger | REAL-TIME Blogging Report
SkiWithMarty
March 7th, 2010 4:29 am
A forgotten key is to share your successes. Whenever I make a sale or get a couple hundred visitors to a blog post or a lead call or whatever else…I’m constantly projecting WOOO’s of joy fom my office. Everyone runs in to share the excitement!
Angela @ Homegrown Mom
March 7th, 2010 4:54 am
Excellent advice! My family loves my blog, my kids are always giving me ideas and my husband reads it every day. He’s even left comments :)
I have set particular times to work on it and if I have an idea in between those times, I just write it in a notepad and it waits. My children will only be here for me to raise for a short time… I figure I can blog more and write all the books I have ideas for when they’re in college. Nothing is more rewarding than spending a great day with them and knowing I’ve served my husband and invested in their lives.
Ben Collins
March 7th, 2010 4:55 am
NIce post Dustin,
Refreshing to see someone inspiring others to take their focus away from blogging for a while. I’m on a mission just now to get my stuff out there and my friends are starting to worry about me cause im never out anymore.
Think it’s worth mentioning that just because you’re not at your desk, it doesn’t mean you’re not thinking about being at your desk. Try and switch off completely for a while. If you simply can’t, your family are most likely going to be a huge inspiration to you as they care about you more than the online community.
Thanks again
Kris Beus
March 7th, 2010 5:06 am
Very good advice. Personally I don’t have a family, but blogging takes time away from friends, work, and other important aspects of my life. I have found that I like blogging better than most things so I spend quite a bit of time writing new content. I will have to try your tip Create Healthy Boundaries though I have a difficult time putting my laptop down.
Naomi Figueroa
March 7th, 2010 5:36 am
Great advice, and I think it can be expanded to not just be “your blogging journey,” but also “your small business journey,” if that applies…or other things in your life that you need to balance with family time. Really great advice, I’m definitely sharing this article.
Jack | Online Marketing Blog
March 7th, 2010 5:39 am
You really need that balance between friends, family, and work. From reading your personal journey and how you were given a few months to make this whole “blogging” thing work was very motivational.
网络营销
March 7th, 2010 5:46 am
Whether you tell your family or not depends on your situation. If you have a spouse you should definitely tell him or her. But I am a teenager and I don’t plan to tell my parents about how I plan to make money blogging. I personally believe that you are more likely to achieve yours goal if you don’t tell people your goals in the first place. Most people are negative when it comes to making money, and even more negative to making money online. So if you tell your friends and family about making money online most of them will respond with negativity. To succeed you need positive visualization, and all those negative responses will create negative images in your mind instead of positive images which are essential to your success.
FrazzledMom
March 7th, 2010 6:09 am
Thank you for an EXCELLENT post! I am actually trying to focus on taking time to be with family in my own blog, but it is always so helpful to be reminded.
I shared this with my Twitter followers because most of them are authors, and your advise fits not just blogging, but creative writing, freelance projects, you name it. The major point is to keep your priorities straight and protect the things in your life that are most important.
Just checked out your site for the first time – love it! Thanks for a great contribution to the online community.
stu@themarryblogger
March 7th, 2010 6:25 am
Great post Dustin!
Being a marriage/relationship blogger myself, I have found that your #5 point has been vital for me. My wife has become an intricate part of my blog, offering her own take with posts, and comments…plus being active on the video posts that we are creating.
Not all blogs have this luxury, but bringing the input of your family into your blog – and communicating your desires would seem to be very important!!
Amanda
March 7th, 2010 6:41 am
Hi Dustin,
Your post really spoke to me especially because I am just making my way into the deep, blue sea that is blogging.
I’m about to have my 2nd child and only yesterday bought a new notepad so that I can be a more mobile blogger (i.e: blog while breastfeeding!).
Luckily I have a very supportive husband but my 8y.old is probably someone who needs more convincing about my computer time.
Thank you for your work. I’ve checked out your blog and I’m about to subscribe. Love is what it’s all about after all…
Amanda
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 7:06 am
@Laura – I really think you can boil most of this down to establishing healthy boundaries. I have actually found it to be quite liberating to have some “no blog or computer” time pre-determined each day. It takes away a level of stress that comes with the feeling that you could always be working to make things “better” in your blog and/or business.
@Joel – Trust me, my friend, it is *definitely* a challenge some days to stick to these boundaries. I’m far from perfect and I slip up sometimes as well. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with my wife, so she slaps me around a bit (figuratively speaking) and gets me back inside the lines that *I* determined and committed. Accountability is certainly important.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 7:13 am
@Thea – Yeah, this is totally a guide. If my family situation was different, I’m sure my perspective and specific boundaries would be quite different. But I still think it’s important to *have* boundaries. When you’re passionate about your topic and/or a fired-up entrepreneur, you sometimes need to protect yourself from yourself a bit. :)
@ Leslie – It sounds like you’re doing great! I wrote this post for Problogger because I felt like it was a message that many here could relate to. As family bloggers, we surely give more thought to these issues (after all we’re often writing *about* family time) but still struggle with maintaining a healthy balance. I figured this must be even more of an issue for many others.
The Casual Observer
March 7th, 2010 7:54 am
I sacrificed my TV/reading time for my blog, not family time.
Meredith
March 7th, 2010 8:12 am
Great Post Dustin…
I was only 1 month into blogging when I had my epiphany – that I wasn’t prioritizing the way that I should be.
We instituted the no-computers-in-the-evening-before-the-kids-go-to-bed rule too. Which left us with another quandary (and material to blog about, I might add).
What do we do with each other?
I spent some time (nerd alert here) building a Venn diagram of our interests, difficult to do, as we are 4 people. But with some creativity – I got it done. It’s a piece of work. In the end – we found that playing with the trains satisfied the grown-ups need for a challenge (via crazy track building) and the kids desire to monkey around with the end product.
If you’re interested you can check out said diagram at
http://www.building-character.net/2010/02/06/curve-limited/
I have to do a bit more work on my husband I think. He’s OK with the time I spend blogging, but he’s not 100% on board with the idea of blogging.
Thanks for the ideas!
Meredith @ Building Character
Chichi @ From Now Till I Do
March 7th, 2010 8:30 am
Dustin, great post and very timely for me right now. This is something I have been thinking a lot about recently, particularly around boundaries, how much time I spend online and making sure that my ‘real’ life does not suffer because of it.
I enjoy blogging and am really passionate about it, but I want to make sure I maintain a good blog/life balance. I will definitely be incorporating your tips.
Thanks for sharing.
p.s. stopped by your blog – love it and have signed up for future posts.
Supermarket Soap
March 7th, 2010 9:06 am
I always try to blog in my breaks at work, save it to a USB key (no internet at work), then publish when I get home, which saves me a lot of time away from my girlfriend.
Sarah Baron
March 7th, 2010 9:39 am
Great post! I do this when my kids are at school. I’m very careful with the information and who knows what. My friendships are important to me, which is why I’ve kept things anonymous, for the sake of my friendships.
This is helpful.
We have similar topics, by the way. I focus too on strengthening intimacy in marriage, but from the female perspective. Check it out and let me know what you think.
Congrats on the post!
Denise Hamlin
March 7th, 2010 9:55 am
Nice Post Dustin. I am finding blogging time consuming on top of my full time job and you’re right added friction at home definitely won’t make it any easier. It’s no wonder so many bloggers fall by the wayside after just a few months of blogging! You’re right, setting boundaries and time management in general will go a long way to ensuring your relationships stay intact and another benefit will be that it will prevent you from burn out too.
Samantha @ Mama Notes
March 7th, 2010 10:52 am
great post and great things to think about! I’m working on this now.. its hard balancing everything. good tips!
Surgery Houston
March 7th, 2010 11:15 am
Tip #1, don’t spam them on twitter or facebook every time you write something
Gina Parris
March 7th, 2010 11:58 am
Great tips Dustin! Thank you Darren – for sharing Dustin’s wisdom with your tribe. I am also working on having times to just shut it off. But tonight no one is home so I’m cheating!
J.D. Meier
March 7th, 2010 1:59 pm
Beautiful insights!
I’m a fan of boundaries and buffers for the long haul.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 2:40 pm
Thanks again for all of the great feedback! I plan to respond to each of your comments. I started a bit earlier but many more came through out of moderation.
And (appropriately) I spent much of the day doing family stuff. Now that the kids are in bed (and my wife’s out with her girlfriends), it’s time to get down to responding to your great comments. I’ll try to do a few in each comment to break things up a bit without getting ridiculous.
@Davor – You present a really interesting perspective being a college student with parental “boundaries” put on you. I think you guys have handled it okay, and I agree with your parents that you should honor your college commitment *as long as they are providing for your living.* I think that’s the wise and honorable thing to do at least at this point. I’d encourage you to keep working on your online business, and once you’re self-sufficient you’ll be in a position to make your own decisions.
@Stepfanie – Your struggles sound familiar, my friend. Thanks for sharing how those points connected with you.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 2:45 pm
@Daniel – It sounds like you are doing awesome with your family/blog balance. You guys are communicating about it, and you have agreed on some solid boundaries with your time. Nice work!
@Glen – It’s an honor to have you comment on my post! Thanks for the props, and I definitely agree that these same general principles apply to most any life balance issue including work, college, spiritual life, hobbies, etc.
@Kevin – I would also like to give a big Thank You to Darren for sharing this! I love your analogy to a “line of sight” and always fighting to keep our larger focus intact. Thanks to *you* for your kind words.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 2:52 pm
@Jeff – AWESOME addition, my friend! That should be Tip #8: Truly Be Present When You Are Present. Although I view time as the best indicator of your priorities, the quality of that time is vital. Thanks!
@Andy – Thank you so much for your excellent example of how we can make even crazy schedules/pursuits work as long as we are working *together* with our spouse. I totally agree that trust, goal-setting and priorities are key.
@Brad – Thank you, buddy. Your story is a very familiar one to my own.
Although my wife shares my passion for helping others in marriage matters (we teach marriage preparation and help at marriage retreats), she is not interested in being a writer or blogger. At first, she was hesitant with the amount of my time it requires, but those “help me” and “thank you” emails and comments showed her all she needed to see. She now supports my efforts 100%….as long as I practice what I preach above. :)
Dale Hinton
March 7th, 2010 2:53 pm
Wow!!! You have hit the nail on the head here. It is so very easy to get caught up in blogging, social media, internet marketing and trying to build a thriving internet business. Your posting is a mirror to all of us to take a close, hard look at ourselves and see if we are sacrificing our family, marriage and parenting time for our blog and online business.
Thanks for the wake up call…
Dale HInton
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 2:57 pm
@Bucksome – Thank you! We also balance our full-time careers and children…but our cat is pretty self-sufficient. :)
@Dan – I think your suggestion that “sacrifice personal time, not family time” is the best advice is wise. And I totally agree that we also have to keep our friends involved in our lives…though always after our family.
@Roman – I find much of my inspiration from my family. They give me much joy…and lots of funny stuff to write about!
This Mama Works It!
March 7th, 2010 2:59 pm
This is such a great post. And I just checked out your blog and you do an awesome job over there as well.
I am a working mom. With 2 kids, a hubby, doggie, house, and everything else in between I find it very difficult to find time to blog. I have so many post ideas written in my journal I carry around with me but at the end of the day when I actually have time to blog I am just so exhausted. So I am trying to find that balance and hopefully I can because I do love to blog.
Thanks again for the post!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:00 pm
Just a note that some responses are getting held in moderation and some are not. I am responding to all, though, so you should see yours at some point soon…
@DJ – You may not be aware of this, but I ALSO work a 9-5 (usually more like 8-6) as a transportation engineer. Right now, I think I’d like to continue that full-time and keep Engaged Marriage part-time. However, I’m open to change if the right opportunities are presented. :)
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:06 pm
@Thomas – I’m no priest, but I’ll absolve you of your blogging sins. :) Seriously, I’m very happy that you are seeing where you are having issues slipping into a “blogging addiction.” It’s easy to do when you are passionate about your topic. I’d suggest setting up some boundaries on your time, telling your girlfriend about it and asking her to help keep you accountable. And thanks for your compliments.
@Chris – Excellent suggestions, my friend. The majority of my blogging time comes when I used to watch TV, over lunch breaks and sometimes when I should be sleeping.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:10 pm
@Elizabeth – Thank you! I really love your suggestion of developing an arsenal of draft posts. If you can get ahead and store some up when you do have time, it will give you freedom to set blogging aside when your family needs you.
@Ami – Another great suggestion, my man. Based on your post, I am giving thought to setting aside one day per week when I don’t blog. I know the times of greatest creative thinking for me are when I’m doing non-blogging stuff (day job, hunting, cycling, walking, driving, etc.).
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:13 pm
@SkiWithMarty – Your comment made me smile. Although she didn’t fully understand just how much it meant to me, I was sure to share my joy with my wife when Darren told me he would feature this post on Problogger. Now that’s a WOO-HOO moment!
@Angela – I get my wife to leave the occasional comment, too. When she does, I know it was a great post. :) And I love the perspective you share with your kids and the limited time we have to enjoy raising them.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:16 pm
@Ben – Excellent advice. We all need time to get our blog the hell out of our head! It can be very tough sometimes, but when you get away and come back, the motivation really fires up.
@Kris – Yeah, these ideas definitely apply to other life balance issues. I think you’ll find the “no computer time” idea to be quite refreshing and energizing.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:22 pm
@Naomi – YES! This advice absolutely has wide application. In fact, a lot of what I blog about at Engaged Marriage is balancing different “stuff” with your family life.
We are all SO busy, but it really is possible to have a thriving marriage/blog/business/etc/etc as long as you use your time effectively and with purpose. And you keep your priorities, whatever those may be, top of mind and in control of your time.
@Jack – I believe your “blogging deadline” comment was referencing Darren’s story about this wife. Very pertinent indeed!
FREE HELP
March 7th, 2010 3:23 pm
Great list you have there! It would be great if you could add something about working on your blog along with your spouse/kids on separate sections, like one for kids, one for spouses for the same set of audience. Would that be a good idea?
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:25 pm
@网络营销 – I actually disagree with at least one of your points. I think you are MORE likely to meet goals if you share them with others. This builds in expectation and accountability. I sometimes get my positivity out of proving others wrong. :)
@FrazzledMom – Wow, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing my post/site with others! I agree that this advice goes well beyond blogging, but I had to get Darren’s attention somehow. :)
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:30 pm
@Stu – I really appreciate your support, my friend. You indeed do a wonderful job of including your wife at The Marry Blogger. Bethany (my wife) doesn’t have any interest in sharing the cyber-spotlight with me at this time, but she *gets* what I’m doing and is super-supportive behind the scenes.
@Amanda – Blogging while Breastfeeding, I LOVE it! Actually, that would make a great blog name, maybe I’ll get my wife into blogging after all when our next baby arrives in July….hmmm.
Anyway, thank you for your kind words and for subscribing to Engaged Marriage!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:33 pm
@The Casual Observer – TV time was my major sacrifice as well…along with sleep!
@Meredith – Your experience sounds SO similar to my own. And I’m a total nerd as well (engineer and all), and I will be checking out your Venn diagram and your blog!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:37 pm
@ChiChi – You are preaching to the choir, my friend. I articulated some great tips here, but I still struggle to follow-through and “practice what I preach” each day. I’m getting better all the time, though, with the love and support of my wife. Thanks for subscribing to Engaged Marriage!
@Supermarket Soap – That’s a great tip as well. You just have to be careful to make sure you are really only blogging “during your breaks” and not letting your whole workday get away from you as you get engrossed in your blog. Depending on who is reading, that may or may not also be spoken from experience. :)
How to Blog
March 7th, 2010 3:38 pm
I really agree with the number 4, i usually sacrifice some of my time in watching TV,chatting, just to cope up with more productive things like blogging
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 3:45 pm
@How to Blog – I think #4 is key as well since you really can’t cut your family time significantly and still keep them on-board with your efforts. And no one really *needs* to watch American Idol anyhow. :)
Desainer grafis
March 7th, 2010 4:11 pm
I have done point number 4 and point number 7 as well. Even my family is not a blogger or internet geek.
Technology Slice
March 7th, 2010 4:46 pm
Nice post. It’s good to see the family side of blogging being addressed too.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 7th, 2010 4:57 pm
@Technology Slice – Thanks, that’s kind of what I do!
Gerry Faehrmann - YourLawnAndGarden
March 7th, 2010 7:32 pm
Dustin, congratulations on a great post. You have articulated a lot of what is vitally important in people’s lives, even when they may not be aware of those things. By doing the important things properly, happiness truly follows!
Dustin, I am reading a really really good book by Stephen Covey called “The 7 Habits Of Higly effective Families”.
If you want to be successful in both your career and family then do yourself a favour and read this book. It is tops!
Hear Mum Roar
March 7th, 2010 9:08 pm
This is a really big challenge for me, being a mum of 3. It can become quite a juggle at times. One rule I have is that if my family needs me, they come first, end of story. As much as I love my readers and love to give them an excellent experience, if I have sick little ones, or my fiance is sick, then blogging has to wait, and I honestly believe my readers are fine with that.
What I would love to read about, is how much time others spend on blogging, what their routine is? I’m not sure if I read something like that once here, but I did read something helpful about it ages ago, and cannot find it!
KS Chen
March 8th, 2010 1:07 am
Yes! I always put my family and my girl friend in the first place of my heart. Nothing is important than them. I will also let them know what i’m doing. I just start blogging. Sure i will let them know. They are supporting me too. :)
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 2:14 am
@Gerry – Thanks! I am definitely familiar with the “The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People” but I’ll have to check out the family version. I enjoy Stephen Covey’s “4 Quadrant” approach to prioritization. Thanks for the tip!
@Hear Mum Roar – I can definitely relate with two little ones and one on the way. I love your suggestion about a case study of sorts to see how other bloggers spend their time. That would give us reasonable benchmarks to compare our own efforts to and would provide great insight into how others handle their workload.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 2:19 am
@Desainer – Thanks for the comment and for sharing your experience.
@This Momma Works It! – Thank you for your kind words, and I can definitely relate to your time constraints and feeling that there aren’t enough hours in the day. I also have many more ideas written down than I’ve found time to post about.
I find it helpful to “batch” my efforts, so when I do find some time I crank out as much related writing as I can. That helps with efficiency. I also try to maintain a realistic posting schedule of 2-3 times per week. With a professional career and many other things to attend to, I won’t be matching Darren’s 7 days a week schedule (on three blogs which is simply amazing) anytime soon!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 2:25 am
@Dale – Thanks so much for your kind words. I have to write this stuff to keep myself in line as well. Once my wife reads a post like this, my level of accountability definitely goes up!
@Free Help – Thank you. Are you suggesting a similar list of tips except separated for concerns related to your spouse and your kids? That could be helpful (especially for those that only have a spouse or kids and not both), but I think these tips really apply in most family situations.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 2:27 am
@J.D. – Thanks, man! You know I’m a fan of those as well.
@Gina – Thank you and I agree, thanks to Darren for sharing my post! It sure can be hard to shut it down sometimes, but I seem to have no regrets after I take that short time away.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 2:29 am
@Surgery – I actually agree with you! I have separate personal and Engaged Marriage fan pages on Facebook for just that reason. I want my friends to “opt in” to my fan page if they want the news and links related to Engaged Marriage.
@Samantha – I follow your blog, and I know this life balance issue is top of mind for you right now. Keep praying about it and talking with your husband, and I’m confident you guys will work out what’s best for your family!
Jahangir Alam
March 8th, 2010 4:29 am
WOW, what a post and the content is really great. I really loved the article and I am pretty sure people who are really busy with their blogs they need to read this article and try to use the tips given. Family and Blog both need attention, it all depends how you balance it.
Nice one.
Thanks
Jay
Nicholas
March 8th, 2010 5:03 am
This is a good post Dustin.
A very important reminder of how important it is to get the balance right when juggling family, work, personal development, and of course – blogging!
I love it when our children ask to read our blog. Following your post, our next steps will be:
1) to talk to them about why we blog, and
2) to give thought to how we get them more involved.
Anyway – I’m off to watch a film with the Fab4!
Thanks
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 5:05 am
@Denise – Absolutely! It sounds like we are in the same boat with full-time work and family obligations. Best of luck to you!
@Sarah – Thank you! I’ll definitely be checking out your blog. Intimacy is a cornerstone in the topics covered at Engaged Marriage, and I look forward to learning from you at your site as well.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 5:08 am
@KS – Excellent, man. It sounds like your heart and priorities are in the right place. Good luck with your new blog!
@Jay – Thanks so much for your kind words and support. It’s all about good balance!
@Nicholas – It sounds like you have a great perspective, and I really like your game plan for moving forward. Enjoy your Sunday!
David K. Enders, D.C.
March 8th, 2010 5:14 am
#’s 1 and 4 are of prime importance. We often work from home in order to spend more time with family, but end up working as much, if not more, as we did when we worked out of the home. You must organize your schedule and set priorities, or else you will end up where you started.
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 8th, 2010 7:21 am
@David – I totally agree! I work for a consulting firm, but I keep my own hours and operate pretty independently. I have worked from home on several occasions and had the kids with me. I felt like I didn’t get much work done AND I didn’t spend much quality time with them either. I’m sure that’s a challenge when you operate that way regularly.
Sherry Davis Zander
March 8th, 2010 9:33 am
Great post, and wise advice. You know, you can tell the character and priorities of bloggers (or anyone!) in how they manage their blogs, deal with their money and how they manage quality time with family members. If you’re good at it, it’s a crazy, tempered juggling act.
Barb
March 8th, 2010 12:48 pm
Great post. It is really hard to balance not being too personal on a mom blog but I try not post things that are going to completely embarrass them if their friends read it.
Julius
March 8th, 2010 3:43 pm
I especially like the tips about asking your family to remind you if you’re getting out of your bounderies, and letting them be involved in your blog-related work. Through the latter tip, they can even give you ideas you can use for your next post.
abercrombie london
March 8th, 2010 7:04 pm
eally big challenge for me, being a mum of 3. It can become quite a juggle at times. One rule I have is that if my family needs me, they come first, end of story. As much as I love my readers and love to give them an excellent experience, if I have sick little ones, or my fiance is sick, then blogging has to wait
Brad Allen | Embrace Your Tech
March 9th, 2010 3:49 am
Dustin’s site, Engaged Marriage, really is a great site. Practical, inspirational content. As site that truly focuses on a happy and healthy lifestyle, marriage, and family. It’s upbeat and refreshing and that’s awesome!
Dave Higgs
March 9th, 2010 8:20 am
Dustin – Thankyou for the post. It is a very valuable perspective and one that reaches beyond just blogging.
Your point #4 about personal time rather than family time is especially important – in everything we do (as individuals), our hobbies, friends, business, and of course blogging. It is so easy (as a father/husband/bread winner) to say “I am busy” – but are we really?
I think of a song (I suppose there are many) called “Busy Man”.
Very relevant post, thanks again
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 9th, 2010 9:59 am
@Sherry – I totally agree with you. I think that over time the character of anyone, including a blogger, begins to shine through and it has a big role in their long-term success. I think Darren’s excellent character is actually a great example of this.
@Barb – I’m sure you mommy bloggers do have a tough time with that balance. With the sheer number and enthusiasm of the mom blogging community, I often wonder how many ticked off teens we’ll have running around in 10-15 years with all of their baby pictures spread around the web. :-)
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 9th, 2010 10:01 am
@Julius – Thanks! I definitely get my best ideas either directly from my family or, more often, by living with them and observing how we all interact.
@abercrombie – I think you have your priorities in the right place. We all love the readers and communities that gather around our blog, but blood runs thicker than blogs. :)
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 9th, 2010 10:05 am
@Brad – Thanks so much! Coming from a tech guy, I especially take your compliments to heart.
@Dave – Thank you for your kind words. I definitely agree that these principles apply beyond blogging. The way we prioritize and then use our time is really the foundation of our quality of life.
Jeff C
March 9th, 2010 4:22 pm
I actually implemented one of your suggestions today and stayed off the computer from the time I got home until the kids went to bed. Instead of huddling over my laptop, I played fetch with the dog and took the kids outside and played on scooters and bikes – it was refreshing! My wife has told me repeatedly that we need to do that, but sometimes I think you need to read it or hear it from a third party before it really sinks in. Keep up the good work!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 9th, 2010 4:26 pm
@Jeff – Awesome job on the “no computer time”! I have found that although it can be tough (as sad as that is), it really is more fulfilling to simply spend time with the family each day….without the distractions that accompany the laptop.
abercrombie milano
March 9th, 2010 10:29 pm
I’m sure you mommy bloggers do have a tough time with that balance. With the sheer number and enthusiasm of the mom blogging community, I often wonder how many ticked off teens we’ll have running around in 10-15 years with all of their baby pictures spread around the web
hokya
March 9th, 2010 10:57 pm
blogging with family is really nice :D
i hope my sister will gonna love it soon
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 10th, 2010 1:01 am
@hokya – Thanks for the comment. I don’t have any family that blogs, aside from my wife’s periodic updates on a private Blogger site. If we both did, I think I’d have to buy another laptop. :)
series
March 10th, 2010 5:36 am
if you want time for blogging you have 2 options:
1 Create a blog for your wife and she is bloggging too.
2 Forget your wife and live alone
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 10th, 2010 8:06 am
@series – Thanks for your comment. I’ll assume you were being sarcastic. However, I must say that if you feel those are your only two options, you either have a horrible relationship now or you are not mature enough to enjoy a meaningful relationship and should stick to the single life.
Shannon O | Confessions of a Loving Wife
March 10th, 2010 2:01 pm
Dustin,
I so needed to read this today – I thank you… and my husband thanks you!
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 11th, 2010 1:36 am
@Shannon O – You’re very welcome! Thanks for reading it…and for sharing it with your husband.
Killer Ab Workout
March 11th, 2010 7:10 am
This works for internet marketing too. I mean i cant tell you how many times my family think im nuts for doing what im doing. But i know if i keep pushing this i am going to make it. Thats why i have to end up doing.
Allan Ward
March 11th, 2010 9:44 pm
Great post Dustin. You’re facing the similar challanges that I am – we even both have soccer practice!
I remember a pastor at church making a statement years ago about careers and sacrifices. He said “it’s alright to sacrifice things, as long as it’s you making the sacrifice and not your family”.
This really spoke to me and I’ve tried to honour that over the years as I’ve worked full time, studied an MBA part time, bought into a business and started blogging.
I have my most productive times when the rest of the family are in bed. When they’re up, and particularly before the kids go to bed, they have my attention.
Good luck with your blog.
Allan
Dustin | Engaged Marriage
March 12th, 2010 9:49 am
@Killer – Go for it man! As long as you believe in yourself AND you respect your family’s time and input, I agree that you need to push forward and prove yourself through results.
@Allan – Thank you, man! It really does sound like we can relate to each other in this area. I think your pastor’s advice was very sound, and it seems like you have certainly taken it to heart to the benefit of yourself and your family.
Mireicode
March 13th, 2010 9:16 am
Hi, my name is Tim. Just wanted to say hi to the forum, I been creeping around here for a while now, but tend to participate more. Looking forward to make some new friends. Ciao!
Tim
NY, NY
Ashwin
March 14th, 2010 5:14 pm
Thanks!
I guess every once in a while, we tend to get lost in working & blogging… especially if you make money writing – like me!
This is my full time job & sometimes, I really have to rethink my priorities.
There are times when I have had to explain why blogging is so important to me.
We have to keep re-thiniking our priorites from time to time.I find that I reach a point of saturation sometimes, can’t wrtite any more. Like Hemingway said, we need to learn to stop when things are going well. Rest our minds – that recreation can be from joyful activites such as wathcing your kids play or cooking with your spouse.
I liked the idea about getting your spouse to tell you when you are too into blogging.
Aglolink
March 16th, 2010 4:19 am
Make a priority for those who follow our post to be my choice. This is the best way to make them more special
Nate
March 19th, 2010 7:27 am
This article was great! Should make a lot of people, myself included, really think before they starting blogging so it’s not viewed by their family as just another thing that will take time away from them.
For someone who already spends too much time on the computer just wasting time, it’s hard to explain how adding more time should be viewed as worthwhile for many.
Keep up the great articles!
Cadence
April 5th, 2010 11:00 pm
You have done a marvellous job by exploring this subject with such an honesty and depth. Thanks for sharing it with us!
Tyron Strough
April 23rd, 2010 7:34 am
I am a student and currently studying Forensic Science, but the information on your site helped me in one of my recent projects I was working on. I have provided the link to your site in my report and actually posted a link back on my education blog. Hopefully that will get some additional respect to you, as you deserve it. Thank you.
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