Written on February 23rd, 2010 at 10:02 am by Darren Rowse
Dear FaceBook Friends, I’m De-Friending Most of You [It's Not You, It's Me]
Dear Facebook Friends,
I’ve been wondering when and how to do this for a while now but the time has come for me to bite the bullet and clean up what I’m doing on Facebook.
For 99% of you – this means that I’m about to de-friend you from my personal account on Facebook.
It is nothing personal – in fact…. that is what this is all about…. my personal account on Facebook does need to be personal and its not.
To use a phrase Ed Dale used in doing this same thing – It’s not You It’s Me.
I hope you’ll allow me to explain why I’m doing this and and provide those of you who wish to remain connected with some alternatives.
What I’m Doing
In the next 48 hours I’m returning my Facebook account to a personal account (in fact the process has already begun). This means a number of things:
- I’ll be pulling my all talk about my blogs out of my Facebook account
- There will be no more auto Tweets pulled into my status updates
- My videos about blogging, updates from my blogs etc will all be removed from my Facebook account
- I’ll be de-friending almost everyone – all that will remain will be real life family and friends who I regular catch up with (or those who I want to keep in touch with).
Why Am I Doing This?
When I started using Facebook it was largely something that I used for real friends to share updates of what I was doing.
However in time, as Facebook grew, I began to see how it connected as an opportunity with the work that I do with my blogs. I saw the opportunity to use Facebook to create secondary points of connection with my readers, build a brand and even drive some traffic to my blogs.
As a result my Facebook account became more and more focused around my blogging. As it did so it became less and less relevant to my real life friends and family.
I began to promote this account on my blogs and it quickly got to the point where I had 5000 friends (99% of whom I don’t actually know in real life).
5000 is the limit Facebook allows so I was then at a point where I was rejecting peoples friendship on Facebook – it suddenly became quite exclusive. In the last few months alone I’ve rejected thousands of friend requests – it’s even started to become a little nasty with a number of people thinking I’ve snubbed them.
A while back Facebook started to offer the opportunity for its users to create pages. I started a couple up – one for each of my two main blogs – one for ProBlogger and one for Digital Photography School.
Pages don’t have a limit of how many people can follow them yet they have many of the same features as a personal profile.
Now that I have pages set up and working my personal account on Facebook has become a little redundant for talking about those topics – in fact much of what happens is duplicated and it means my attention is split between updating three accounts.
Since setting up the pages I’ve just felt plain weird about using my personal Facebook page. I’m updating friends on my blogging stuff which doesn’t have any relevance to them (in fact last week I told my parents who are new to Facebook that I didn’t want to friend them because I didn’t want them to have to wade through all my blogging related updates) and I feel like I’m just sending out the same stuff multiple times to others who do want my blogging related stuff. I don’t feel like I’m really achieving anything for anyone with the account.
As a Result – I’ve decided to move all my blogging related updates purely over to my Facebook pages and return my personal account to being a purely personal one – a place where I connect with real life friends and family.
So I’m going to remove all people that are not either friends and family who I see regularly and want to stay in touch with.
My hope in doing this is:
- anyone who want to keep connecting with me on the topics of my blogs will still have a place to do so (not limited by the 5000 number)
- friends and family will have a more relevant place to connect with me
- I will feel slightly less torn each day about what to post (and what not to post) on my personal page
I’m also looking forward to have a private place to just be me – living so openly on the web for so long has been great but a guy needs a place to let what little hair he has down.
If You Do Want to Stay Connected
If you’d like to connect with me around one or both of the topics I blog about I would encourage you to become a fan (I wish they didn’t use that term) of one of my Facebook pages:
Alternatively – much of the Facebook updates that have previously been here on this Facebook account have been pulled in from Twitter. You can get those updates directly from twitter at http://www.twitter.com/problogger – my Twitter stream at @problogger will continue to pull in both blogging related stuff as well as some more personal stuff from time to time also.
I hope this sheds some light on what is about to happen on this Facebook Account.
In terms of WHEN it’ll happen – I’ve already started to pull out some of the blogging stuff from my Facebook page – but I’ll be starting to de-friend people later today. It will take me a while though to de-friend close to 5000 people!
If you’re a real life friend and I do de-friend you – my apologies. I’m sure I’ll mistakenly do that with a few as I go through everyone – I’m certain that going through 5000 people is going to be a process with a few mistakes! Please friend me again if this is you so I can fix it up!
139 Responses to “Dear FaceBook Friends, I’m De-Friending Most of You [It's Not You, It's Me]” - Add Yours
Tom Royce
February 23rd, 2010 11:01 am
Great move on defriending 99% of FB – Twitter is for the world, FB is for close friends and family.
I did the same thing a while back and now both are pleasurable.
Scott Ellis
February 23rd, 2010 11:03 am
Fantastic idea actually and one I suspect will become more common, at least I hope so. It would be a shame for people to assume they have to connect with everyone out of some misguided version of online peer pressure. I think doing so will make Facebook more valuable to you and anyone who follows suit. Sometimes there is just too much noise…
Stretch Mark Mama
February 23rd, 2010 11:04 am
Great decision.
And think, as an introvert, how good it will feel!
Erica Douglass
February 23rd, 2010 11:05 am
‘AlternatI’vely”
These spelling “corrections” are fascinating me. What did you use to type this post?
-Erica
ileane
February 23rd, 2010 11:06 am
Good for you. It makes sense to keep your family and friends separate from your blog followers. Thanks for the update.
@Ileane
Michele | aka Raw Juice Girl
February 23rd, 2010 11:06 am
I think what you’re doing is totally understandable, and I wish you the best. Everyone deserves a corner to kick off their shoes, chat with close friends and family, and just relax – even if it’s just a cyber corner! ;-)
Ainslie Hunter
February 23rd, 2010 11:07 am
Appreciate the transparency Darren
michelle rhude
February 23rd, 2010 11:10 am
Bravo Darren, good move!
Karen
February 23rd, 2010 11:11 am
I use my Facebook account in this way, and it makes my life much less complicated. I do still use the networkedblogs feature though – do/will you?
Paul R. Giunta
February 23rd, 2010 11:12 am
Great idea! That is what a personal page is for in the first place. Don’t sweat any fallout on that!
George Fourie
February 23rd, 2010 11:15 am
I think it’s a good move and I think that facebook is structuring their pages more and more to accommodate the differences of business and pleasure.
Arie Rich
February 23rd, 2010 11:16 am
Do u need help unfriending 5000 friends?! LOL.
I agree, personal FB pages should just be for Family and real live friends. Blogging/social networking friends should be directed to FB pages.
Busy week for u!
Arie
Michael Martine
February 23rd, 2010 11:16 am
Fine, I never liked you anyway. ;-)
Wise move, actually. I totally support it. The dividing line makes perfect sense.
Tom | Build That List
February 23rd, 2010 11:17 am
Really good decision I think! I don’t usually become a fan of this, but of course I will for the ProBlogger page!
Bill
February 23rd, 2010 11:20 am
Inspiring. I need to take the weekend and think through the same thing. At least one of my “social” accounts needs to truly be about relationship. I commend you.
Happy Hotelier
February 23rd, 2010 11:21 am
I’m just wondering when you will clean up your twitterati list. I just started with de following waay less ppl than are following you:-)
Adventure-Some Matthew
February 23rd, 2010 11:24 am
This is a great motivator, as I’ve been contemplating doing exactly this same thing. I’ve got too many friends on facebook that I don’t actually know.
I’ll be following your example as I make this same move myself.
Melinda | SuperWAHM
February 23rd, 2010 11:24 am
Good decision Darren. I do the same thing, my facebook page is ONLY for people I know personally. I have a fan page for my business and it’s only for business.
People do get upset still when I won’t add them as a friend, but that’s not what I have facebook for. I still have over 200 personal friends on there, I can’t keep up with them let alone people I don’t know.
Have fun deleting people, that’s going to take a bit of time….
RobertKCole
February 23rd, 2010 11:25 am
Could not agree more with your approach. I isolated my social networks several years ago and the setup seems to work for me. Have not run into any awkwardly miffed friend scenarios…
I wind up declining a lot of facebook friend requests and I don’t auto-follow everyone who follows me on Twitter. I certainly don’t expect everyone I follow on Twitter to follow me to be polite. Because they are relevant to me, does not mean I should be relevant to them.
Facebook is different – I find it works much better when there is a mutual level of engagement.
I broke down my social networks this way:
Facebook = Friends (people you really know) It’s my personal voice. It’s an excellent idea to use your Facebook fan page as the connection point for your extended network of friends – something I need to develop further…
LinkedIn = Business Associates (again, people I have met)
Twitter = I only follow those where I perceive value; I also try to block my faux followers – bots, spammers, etc.
Plaxo = Extended business network – lots of people I don’t know. Used mostly to keep e-mail addresses current.
Buzz = still trying to figure out how & if it fits in… Right now, I am using Buzz a lot like I used Friendfeed, and I didn’t use Friendfeed a lot…
Foursquare = Local friends
Blog = My professional voice
Website = My company
To keep all this mess organized, I primarily use Tweetdeck to keep engaged with Twitter (with extensive list use), LinkedIn and Facebook. As a result, I can now keep my personal and business lives separate, but have the ability to track them in a single application.
Darrin Searancke
February 23rd, 2010 11:29 am
Good on you mate. I did the same thing a few months back. My strategy is if ‘associates’ attempt to add me via Facebook – I refer them to my LinkedIn profile. I also have several twitter accounts, one personal, one business and a couple for semi-regular tweet-ups. These days it seems we are forced to diversify our Social Media.
Darren Rowse
February 23rd, 2010 11:30 am
Erica – actually I did a find and replace all to fix something and replaced it with a ‘ instead of a space….. basically a long story where I tried to cut a corner and ended up messing up more than I fixed… :-)
Darren Rowse
February 23rd, 2010 11:31 am
Happy Hotelier – lets start with Facebook :-)
LPCs
February 23rd, 2010 11:31 am
This makes total sense to me. Twitter, blogging, can be done in a semi-personal way. Facebook has always seemed more personal to me.
Carla | Green and Chic
February 23rd, 2010 11:32 am
I think that is a good move too. My Facebook account is for my friends and family members. I have a Green and Chic Facebook account that’s business/store related. Its good to keep those separate.
Morgan Drake Eckstein
February 23rd, 2010 11:34 am
I actually started to think about this the other day. A friend of mine noticed that I spend a lot of time on Facebook gossiping and playing games, and she was under the impression that I was using Facebook for business purposes. I told her, “Only sort of.” Then I started kicking around creating a fanpage for myself—several of my fellow writers have them. As you note, there is that limit of 5000 on personal pages, but no limit on the fanpages.
Bottom line: I am glad to see that you are doing this; it helps push me towards doing the same myself.
Happy Hotelier
February 23rd, 2010 11:34 am
@Darren
I’ve never believed in FB as a community builder. So that’s not so much of a problem for me. Am now believing Twitter is neither :-)
Leo Babauta
February 23rd, 2010 11:36 am
Great move, Darren. I’ve been slowly doing the same thing, but it seems so hard to mass unfriend people on Facebook. Do you have a tip for doing that quickly?
debbie
February 23rd, 2010 11:41 am
This is VERY understandable! I don’t have that many on the list, but there are a lot who are into Genealogy…may have to think of doing the same here…
I never got befriended by you , only because there were over 5000…and now I am happy to be a member of your page…
thanks Darren for explaining …
debbie
picky cook
February 23rd, 2010 11:49 am
Good for you Darren! You should have a space that is just for you. You give so much to us followers – surely we can understand this as you are giving us many other ways to connect with you.
Patrenia
February 23rd, 2010 11:50 am
This is a great decision Darren. I’ve only been on the blogging scene for about 3 months and have ALWAYS felt uncomfortable including any business/blogging material within my personal facebook page. Of course, I list the website in my profile, BUT I’ve only shared maybe two links to the site for posts I’ve written.
My last imposition was an invitation to my fan page. Out of 300+ friends only 8 or 9 became fans. And guess what, I’m not at all offended. I only want to interact with those who are interested anyways. So, the best of luck to you! Hopefully everyone will understand. I would.
Eve
February 23rd, 2010 11:54 am
…as it should be! Good for you! You have every right to control the privacy of your FB profile and to make it as exclusive as IT SHOULD BE! Social Media can get out of hand. Just a couple of hours ago I was writing about the lack of discretion on most SM sites and how public a person’s life can become.
BRAVO!!! Love the Boldness!
Eve
LoneWolf
February 23rd, 2010 11:58 am
Thanks to Facebook for adding pages. It allows this separation of personal and public arenas within Facebook. If anyone gets upset that you’ve de-friended them you can gently remind them that they were never truly a friend, but a fan so fan pages are more appropriate.
Carrie
February 23rd, 2010 12:00 pm
Looks like you’ll be drinking a LOT of coffee. :-) But seriously, don’t sweat it.
Shawna R. B. Atteberry
February 23rd, 2010 12:02 pm
Good for you! Everyone needs a little private space, even blog gurus. :)
Garry Conn
February 23rd, 2010 12:02 pm
Excellent move Darren. I did the same a few weeks ago. I went from almost 2000 down to 103 friends. A few other bloggers I know have –or soon will be — doing it as well. Nice job on creating the pages, that’s my next stage, and an excellent solution to an ongoing problem.
laura @ hollywood housewife
February 23rd, 2010 12:05 pm
THANK YOU for this!
I’ve recently had a few of my blog readers (who are strangers to me in real life) friend me on FB and I haven’t been sure what to do about it.
I want my FB page to be un-apologetically personal, though. So I hope this becomes the trend.
Frank Dickinson
February 23rd, 2010 12:24 pm
Darren,
I have wanted to do this since Ed Dale published his thoughts on the subject. Another person I completely respect does it – it’s a go for Frank!
Andrew
February 23rd, 2010 12:37 pm
I’m honestly surprised you didn’t do this sooner. It’s been fun being your friend… I guess I’ll have to settle for being your fan. =)
Flora
February 23rd, 2010 12:39 pm
I think defriending 4,950 people could give you carpal tunnel syndrome! What about closing your facebook account, then resigning up and inviting your friends and family to friend you?
Amber Avines
February 23rd, 2010 12:46 pm
Darren,
I know you expected backlash, but it’s your account and you can manage it as you choose. I think most of us have evolved in our approaches to social media, and it is always your prerogative to alter the way you manage your personal and professional networks. Good luck with the transition.
Find Answers
February 23rd, 2010 12:49 pm
Even my Facebook account with far less number than 5000 friends is getting cluttered everyday. I really don’t want it to become a place with updates that no one cares about. Nice move Darren, good luck with the tedious process :)
Melissa @Cellulite Investigation
February 23rd, 2010 12:57 pm
When I started blogging 6 months ago, I also joined Facebook for the first time. I was torn on whether or not to use a fan page or a personal profile. The fan page wasn’t as easy to set up as I thought it would be, but I guess I made the right choice. I am still well informed as to my friends’ Lost theories, so there’s that.
Gerry Faehrmann - YourLawnAndGarden
February 23rd, 2010 1:00 pm
Think of the harm you will do to all those people who believe they are your friend and then find out they are not.
Bit like stringing someone along and dumping them. How does it feel to be the dumpor? Great I suspect. Oh well, I guess the dumpees will get over it!
Annabel Candy, Get In the Hot Spot
February 23rd, 2010 1:00 pm
Ah, a clean slate. What could be nicer! Glad I worked this out for myself before I got up to 5000 “friends”. Poor you, but it’ll be worth it in the end:)
Natalie
February 23rd, 2010 1:10 pm
I have maintained the Facebook for “real” friends and family and as a result I feel I can freely update them on what I am doing and the children’s development and other updates that would mean nothing to people who do not know us.
I still like the (sometimes) scary ease with which I can communicate with the rest of the world but by confining it to twitter and my blog I can decide how personal my reveal.
Eric C
February 23rd, 2010 1:22 pm
This is good advice for beginners; create seperate accounts for each purpose. My blog only posts three times a week now, so I post on my personal facebook account, but in the future I might not.
Kitty
February 23rd, 2010 1:27 pm
You have my full support D!
Suzanne Vara
February 23rd, 2010 1:28 pm
Darren
If you have the 2 fan pages then the DR should be personal. It is a place for you to keep in touch with friends and family to talk about the kids (we all love showing pics of our kids) without that being in open to the public. My FB is all about me and my friends so that I can stay in touch with them on east coast USA when I am west coast.
The redundancy had to be maddening of checking and commenting on 3 pages. Peace shall be had now.
@SuzanneVara
John R. Sedivy
February 23rd, 2010 1:29 pm
I started a Facebook page for my business a few months ago and noticed that I have recently been spending more time there than with my personal account. In fact, I barely access my personal account anymore. This seems odd in that prior to the business page I really used my Facebook personal account a lot. It will be interesting to see over time if more people trend in that direction as well.
Amy @ The Q Family
February 23rd, 2010 1:31 pm
Great move! I have never included any blog reader to my facebook account. I do use Facebook Fanpage for my blog and I think it’s the way to go.
bells
February 23rd, 2010 1:32 pm
I think this is a great idea and I’m going to copy you.
Facebook becomes so watered down when not used the right way.
Chris Miller
February 23rd, 2010 1:46 pm
I began the process silently a while ago by not accepting new “friends” and then built the Network page. Then I slowly removed Twitter updates from Facebook and RSS feed updates. I just sent a message out to everyone hinting that I have not been sending updates through as befor ans to get to the network page. The number jumped a bunch that first time and I will repeat it later to get Facebook back to friends and family.
Blogger Den
February 23rd, 2010 1:49 pm
Your motives make sense. If I started to become very popular online and everyone wanted to be my friend on Facebook, I wouldn’t want to have tons of random strangers befriending me. Just too weird…
Angela @ Homegrown Mom
February 23rd, 2010 1:50 pm
I am beyond picky about who is on my friend list! I created a fan page with a separate account for my blog, and keep my personal page for people I know in real life. I even de-friend people that I haven’t seen in years and never connect with. I am just really personal on my page and don’t want to share my life or my current hair crisis with just anyone :)
Good move, Problogger. Good move.
Christiane Marshall
February 23rd, 2010 2:14 pm
Recently I got an email from someone saying something like, ‘follow me on facebook,’ so I made a friend request. Then I received a message saying, ’sorry, I reached the 5,000 max and can’t accept!’ I was shocked and ever since I wondered how on earth anyone can deal with that amount. My little circle of friends and family on fb are enough! As it is some of their fb apps drive me crazy. I can’t imagine 5,000 people posting meaningless messages about fish, farms, mafia and small world! I’m glad you’re doing this. Good for you!
Scary Mommy
February 23rd, 2010 2:24 pm
I did the same exact thing last week. So very glad I did!
SquiggleMum
February 23rd, 2010 2:40 pm
Good for you Darren. We all need boundaries in place. Thank you for setting an example for others. Blessings, Cath.
Volupill
February 23rd, 2010 3:57 pm
Good decision, Sir !
Let’s move :)
Technology Slice
February 23rd, 2010 4:29 pm
That’s not nice Darren.
Jens P. Berget
February 23rd, 2010 5:04 pm
I believe what you are doing is the right decision. I have been thinking about doing the same.
Currently, I am not using Facebook at all. That’s because I have a lot of friends and family and co-workers using it, and on the other hand, I have a lot of “business people” who are friends with me.
No matter what I do, I find that one of the groups of people will be disappointed. If I write about personal stuff, the business people will be disappointed, if I write about business stuff, my friends, family and co-workers will be disappointed.
Lucretia M Pruitt
February 23rd, 2010 6:10 pm
It happens.
Some people will be offended no matter how much sense it makes. Some people wouldn’t have needed that much of an explanation.
Do what you do. I think I’m more following your blogging stuff through Buzz right now than anywhere else. (surprising to me)
I think if we don’t evolve our habits along with the technology and the popularity of a given platform, we’re fooling ourselves… because we’re pretending we’re in a stagnant space, and it sure as heck isn’t that.
Good luck to you Darren.
Dropshipping
February 23rd, 2010 6:17 pm
I don’t think people will be offensive about what you are doing after your nice explanation. Everybody needs that personal space for family and close friends.
Pop Sift
February 23rd, 2010 6:18 pm
Facebook sucks. I mean it REALLY sucks. If anyone has wondered how they can permanently delete their account, check out this link:
http://mediactive.com/2009/12/12/facebook-starting-over/
E.T. Barton
February 23rd, 2010 6:19 pm
Hey Darren,
Instead of cleaning up your Facebook account, did you ever think of just staring a second Facebook account for just your personal friends and family? I mean – the Group pages are a given ‘must-have,” but at the same time, why do all that work to delete everything? Isn’t that basically deleting a big part of your SEO footprint?
Personally, I have lots of writer friends who have more than one Facebook page. One is in their pen name, and one is in their real name that is exclusively for their friends and family. If you did that, you could still market to your exclusive 5K without having to delete anything. (And everyone who “shared” or “liked” your stuff wouldn’t have it mysteriously lost from their Walls for all time.)
Just a thought.
Jacoline Debrot
February 23rd, 2010 7:39 pm
Great idea. I always kept my Facebook and Hyves privately and use LinkedIn and Twitter to connect with professionals. I am considering though to make a FB and Hyvespage with my company name. Hope you will mostly receive understanding for your decision.
Barry Finlay
February 23rd, 2010 9:47 pm
No hard feelings… It must be difficult to sift through 5000 updates and status changes looking for you personal friends. There are plenty of others way for us to get in touch with you after all.
Kevin McGuire
February 23rd, 2010 10:14 pm
“You’re giving me the “It’s not you, it’s me?” I invented “It’s not you, it’s me!” If it’s anyone it’s me!” – George Costanza
I totally understand your logic here. I to have been thinking of doing something similar, although I am nowhere near the scale you are. I always viewed Facebook more as a personal outlet and I hate flooding people with posts by me.
Jade @ No Longer25
February 23rd, 2010 10:16 pm
This is deinately the way to go, you need your private space online too! Also there are less restrictions with Facebook fan page and you can choose what to share. I got a Facebook fanpage but I’ve not really worked out what to do with it yet, I realise it has potential but only time will tell if it works for me. Good luck with the defriending though, sounds like that could take you a long time!
Jade
Samantha Milner
February 23rd, 2010 11:12 pm
Hi guys
my hubby did the same about 4 months ago because his facebook account is private and he has a business one too and because he is well known people have joined his private one.
He wants to be able to chat to his borthers without someone asking him something work related and his business contacts not knowing every part of his personal life.
kind regards
sam
X
Andreas
February 23rd, 2010 11:43 pm
I think you are going the best way with your decision. A little question: Why don’t you publish this blog article on your ProBlogger FB Fanpage? Can’t see it there….
Kishau
February 23rd, 2010 11:52 pm
Great idea! I’ve always kept my Facebook account 95% personal (family, friends, people I know in real life). The other 5% are people that I know professionally or via (cyber) networking, but I feel that I can connect with them on a personal (social) level. I rarely promote my business or blogs to my family and friends unless it’s a topic that may be of interest to them.
I think it’s a good idea to keep the groups separate. This way you can post photos, videos and goof off without worrying about strangers and potential clients giving you the * side eye * . LOL!
Drezz
February 24th, 2010 12:06 am
I’m surprised you had not done this sooner. I have a number of friends who could care less about what I do in the blogging world, so I don’t spam the update wall with stuff related to my blog – that’s why I started the group page for idrawdigital.
Of course, I sent them all an invitation and quickly found out who was interested and who was not.
Yemoonyah
February 24th, 2010 12:27 am
I made the same decision about three months ago and I’m really happy I did. You’ll be too!
Evelyn Lim
February 24th, 2010 12:28 am
Thanks, Darren, for providing me with some clarity. I resisted putting up a Facebook page for some time. I simply don’t have much time to do duplication work. So I focused on just having a personal account. Of course, what you shared makes perfect sense. It is better now than later. Off to check your FB page and to set up mine!
Scott Pollov
February 24th, 2010 12:38 am
Darren. Could not agree more with your approach. I am not even close to 5000 friends on Facebook and I already feel like I have lost any personal connection I had with my real life friends. Thanks for sharing your strategy.
Scott Pollov
Kiesha @ WeBlogBetter
February 24th, 2010 1:13 am
I don’t blame you – I’ve always guarded my Facebook profile and I’ve only recently allowed in a couple of business contacts. Thanks for those pages or I wouldn’t be able to promote my blog there at all. The only problem I have with pages is that regardless of how many followers, it’s very difficult to engage people there – maybe “It’s ME” – I don’t know, but it feels like things float into the void there…
@krenee76
John Blackwell
February 24th, 2010 1:16 am
I couldn’t give two F#@ks mate ;)
Surgery Houston
February 24th, 2010 1:28 am
No need to even defend what you are doing here. It makes perfect sense.
Ai Ling
February 24th, 2010 1:28 am
I would want to do the same too. Is there any tools for quick delete?
Thanks.
Sandra
February 24th, 2010 1:32 am
When I started with Facebook it was for business only. Then my family started to join and ruined the whole thing. I would post something about business and I would get a comment scoffing at me from a cousin. My friend count is under 500 so I am not too concerned at this moment. I just delete some comments or hide things (like farmville) and won’t post the family tree to my profile.
I have been feeding twitter into FB and that is something I may consider deleting.
Anyway I understand why you are doing this. There are those moments when I feel a bit uncomfortable at reading info that seems too personal for the relationship I have with the person.
Christine Hueber
February 24th, 2010 1:42 am
This is great in theory, yet what about all the apps that only update your personal page & not your fan page??
I would love to do the same!
Best,
Christine Hueber
Leah Kaiz
February 24th, 2010 1:45 am
Great idea. I always cringe when I get a fb friend request from a stranger. (especially when they don’t even tell me why they want to be friends) But alternatively in Real Estate it is becoming more and more a networking tool. Yet for me it started out as close friends and family. I’m still choosy though but it is not a completely private page anymore…
Good for you!
Shane
February 24th, 2010 2:19 am
Excellent Post! I’m a huge fan and user of Social Media but this business frenzy with Facebook has me a bit concerned. For one thing, the interface is terrible. For another thing, it’s too hard (even with the pages feature) to separate your personal from your business on Facebook. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing but it’s too “messy” when you look at it from a design point of view. There are so many outlets for businesses now to share their information, I just wonder if Facebook ought to be kept for personal reasons….
Michelle
February 24th, 2010 2:58 am
Makes total sense. It feels so strange to be “friends” with people I don’t even know. I’ve been thinking about defriending people and asking them to join my fan page instead.
hokya
February 24th, 2010 4:09 am
hard but nice move
good job
Fran Civile
February 24th, 2010 4:20 am
Darren, you’ve helped me make up my mind… the Facebook
page I thought would be nice to share with family and friends
gets populated with people I don’t have the guts to turn down when they ‘friend’ me and I’ve been planning a
business page for a while…
However your family and friends would need to agree with
you completely and not be friending everybody who asks
or will you just have the courage to turn those down when
they ask you?
Fran
Sandra
February 24th, 2010 4:43 am
Good decision! Sometimes I wondered about websites that say “follow me on Facebook” and then you have to friend them instead of following a fan page. I wondered how they kept in touch with close friends and family.
Those of us that do want to continue to follow ProBlogger and/or DPS can do so through the fan pages while can remain in touch with those you are really “friends” with.
Shannon Nelson
February 24th, 2010 4:45 am
This is exactly what I started doing a few months ago too Darren. I didn’t want to have to worry that when I say something personal in my status or post a picture of myself or my children, that my professional contacts and acquaintances knew things more in depth about me than I would typically have in a business conversation with them.
Heather Scott
February 24th, 2010 5:25 am
Ahahaa! Ok! I get it now! :) I think it’s great you’re making your facebook page personal. Not as many people want to be on my facebook page as for you, but I struggle with the same thing mixing different types of relationships on my facebook page and wanting to stay true to it and everybody on there.
Way to go on setting a great model for the rest of us! :) Great application of boundaries!!! :)
Sharon
February 24th, 2010 6:31 am
Yep, I have a Facebook page for business but my regular Facebook is family & friends only. Everyone needs one private place online :-)
Chris @ The Basement Entrepreneur
February 24th, 2010 6:39 am
Oh the pain, the pain of it all! My heart aches….
lol it’s the right move
Sylvia
February 24th, 2010 6:42 am
I’ll understand. (sobbing) I really do. The break up will suffice.
…
LOL
I’ve fanned u already on your other page, so go ahead and de-face me!
David Edwards
February 24th, 2010 7:09 am
It’s a good choice I suppose, I have always thought of my mobile phone is my place for my real friends and family…
Anything you publish on the internet can be copy and pasted, shared etc…
:]
Rosie
February 24th, 2010 8:26 am
i have my facebook set up this way too with pages and a personal site just for family and friends. I started following problogger at the weekend on facebook.
bradleybradwell
February 24th, 2010 10:14 am
Facebook has really changed over the years. Firstly, the amount of design changes that have occurred are quite surprising, with two or three happening in the last couple of years alone.
Another thing that has changed dramatically is how Facebook is used. Originally, Facebook was designed for people to connect with friends and families. Now that it’s been mainstream for so long now it seems to become what MySpace use to be, which is the fact that the more friends you have, the better. Now we’re seeing everyone become friends with everyone, even if they’re not friends in real life. That isn’t what Facebook is about.
This all brings me to my point. Darren I think it’s a great idea for you to unfriend all of the people you don’t know. Sure, it may have been good as a promotional tool at first, but now there are fan pages and groups available that you can direct your Fan base towards. Your personal profile page should be for you and you only.
One more thing that seems to be bothering me is that Twitter seems to be following the same path as Facebook. I’m confident that the number of followers doesn’t really matter, so long as the followers you do have are actually interested in what you’re saying. It doesn’t matter how many people are following you, however, it does matter that that the people you do have following you are interested in what you have to say.
So those are two different takes on social networking in this modern age. I think you’re taking the right step in limiting your family life to people who’re actually relevant to your personal life.
Adrienne
February 24th, 2010 10:15 am
I’m so behind the times. I don’t have a Facebook page. Twitter is enough. People are a little too sensitive. If a stranger rejected my request I wouldn’t bother sending a nasty reply about it.
Luke Harvey-Palmer
February 24th, 2010 10:26 am
Nice move Darren..totally support it – and have tried to retain the same divide myself…although your post has me thinking about revisiting some of my facebook friends and redefining the friendship!
Brian
February 24th, 2010 11:08 am
But Darren, I bought both your books :P! It’s okay, I’d do the same thing if I were you. In fact, I haven’t added you or anyone else that I’m not familiar with or had contact with on Facebook, aside from some people I knew of. Luckily I only have a little over one hundred friends so I’m not swimming in nonsense or self promotion….yet.
Home Thai Recipes
February 24th, 2010 11:30 am
I only have 80 friends on my facebook page!! But like you say, I am just using this for people I actually know and family. Facebook has become a bit spammy, especially with all those fan pages e.g “become a fan of I like sleeping in the mornings” or “i like chocolate” then their walls are just filled with comments about how many members they got in the last hour. Whats the point??
Ashley
February 24th, 2010 11:47 am
I’ve found FB to be best used for IRL persons, whereas Twitter is a better “worldwide” platform. Have fun purging!
Kristasphere
February 24th, 2010 11:55 am
One word: A-MEN!
I’ve written a couple of posts on this in the past; my logic is if you post everything everywhere, what’s the point of having multiple tools? I call it “RSS Ricochet”.
Thanks for articulating what many of us have been thinking!
Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health
February 24th, 2010 12:11 pm
I did this too a few months ago as I found it increasingly difficult to maintain the divide between friends/family & business contacts.
I’m a bit uncomfortable with the way that facebook is evolving and after some thought, decided to delete my account. My real friends and family know how to find me!
Now I’m going to set up a fan page at some stage but keep my personal profile limited (and possibly friendless) with a message redirecting people to the fanpage.
Haven’t thought out the details properly yet :-).
JohniLouise
February 24th, 2010 12:37 pm
Darren, I did this too. My Friends and Family are much happier w/ out all the Biz people trying to Friend them too. LoL
Also I learned how to create a Welcome Landing page and showed my other “friends” who were building pages to do the same. It beats having people land on “your wall” for a first impression.
Pages have several cool features that we are really enjoying! I’m popping into Facebook to add your pages now so I can keep up with you in an enviro where the convo can be more in depth!
Thanks Darren!
@JohniLouise
Blogging Tips
February 24th, 2010 3:05 pm
Doing a great thing defriending 99% of FB friends.Facebook is usually for close friends and family
AAWF
February 24th, 2010 6:23 pm
How funny! I just did the same to my facebook account last week! So I unfriended you first!
Glad you’re getting it back to the basics on that account. It’s got to be done. See you elsewhere in the online world!
elizof
February 24th, 2010 6:44 pm
Facebook has been an amazing resource for helping me find long lost friends…
Like you, I pondered the public/private divide and decided to keep my FB strictly for family and friends; kudos on your move!
uzoma
February 24th, 2010 10:23 pm
Good for what you are doing remember Bill Gates once complained he didn’t know the people he was having as friends on facebook, it also affected me ever since I got involved in the IM world, so many folks have been asking me to add them don’t know what to do with them.. ohh well it will be great for a fan page
Tola F.
February 24th, 2010 11:07 pm
Yeah I totally agree with you on this.
For me Facebook = Personal Friends/Family
Twitter = Networking, Business Partners and Acquaintances and all…
After all, you know what they say about mixing business with pleasure, lol.. Although since you have a facebook page I guess you get to continue with your networking on facebook so good for you!
Nice one!
Dana @ Blogging Update
February 25th, 2010 2:55 am
That is great choice that to make our facebook become personal again.
Jody
February 25th, 2010 3:13 am
I agree completely. I don’t friend people on facebook that I don’t actually know. It keeps my numbers low and manageable. Bravo.
Amber
February 25th, 2010 3:51 am
I just did this very thing this morning! Of course I only had a handful so it was done in a flash, but I’m glad to know I’m not the only one reclaiming my personal life on Facebook!
Jaszy
February 25th, 2010 4:37 am
Kudos to you Darren! I did this a couple months ago and though it took me a few days to get through all of my “friends”, I know it was well worth it. I determined that my personal FB account would be for maintaining REAL connections with my family and friends.
Really, if you haven’t had a conversation, text, email, cup of Joe or anything else with someone in say…a year, are they really your friend?
I have two business fan pages and use LinkedIn for business networking.
Ebony Jones
February 25th, 2010 6:45 am
Unfortunately this is a necessary tedious task.
The personal profile is so much more flexible than a page, I wish Facebook would lift or up the limit.
Oh well, happy unfriending.
Baadier | Footymix
February 25th, 2010 9:33 am
Its a good choice really, at the end of the day friends want to add things to your facebook and there some things that you cant add onto a business page, which in essence is what our online profiles have become. I’m having second thoughts about things that are on my profile, i have clients that have added me as well my grandmother and i just dont want either to see me looking really out of the weather and “sleepy”.
I also like to maintain boundaries between my personal life and what i present forward to the world. my website is very niche orientated and specific and i dont want non-related information cluttering it.
All in all its a good move and de-friending all those people is going to be a nightmare.
Aaron
February 25th, 2010 4:00 pm
Seems like a fairly decent response to running out of ‘room’ for new friends.
A. You’ve plugged your ‘business’ side for a couple of years using the personal side…
B . You’ve found a limit
C. And now, you’ve come up with a cheeky way to convince people to become “fans” not “friends” to exceed that limit and appear as though all of a sudden you care about “family” vs. “business”
Of course, in the meantime, you’ve leveraged the heck out of ‘friends and family’ to get your content out and readership built up.
Jo-Anne Vandermeulen
February 25th, 2010 4:20 pm
Thank you for sharing…:).
I predict Facebook will be done within the year. Too many restrictions, other social networks are catching up and passing FB as ‘user-friendly’ and visually appealing. Linkedin is a perfect example.
My regular FB page has hit 5,000 followers last week. Since then, no matter what announcement I make, there are hundreds of requests waiting to be brought on board. I cannot even message them (FB sees this as spamming).
I agree with everything you say…and support your decision completely. Perhaps this will give me the courage to do something about FB.
Blessings;
Jo-Anne Vandermeulen
Premium Promotional Services
Scott
February 25th, 2010 8:07 pm
I’m digging the tips!
Keep up the good work!
My website is starting to look good because of you!
http://www.sbiaffiliate.com
Reza Winandar
February 25th, 2010 10:42 pm
Having many unknown friends is suck, but sometimes those unknown friends can be your good friends at all.
Kevin Montgomery
February 25th, 2010 11:52 pm
Darren,
I think this is a good move, BUT would you actually be doing it if there wasn’t a 5,000 person limit?
I know what you mean though……I have 250 slots left and 58 people holding guitars waiting to be “accepted”……..most of them I will never meet, or hear from……….so, I made a rule that if they are holding a guitar in their profile pic that I won’t add them.
Anyway, I think it could be a good move.
Kevin
Bill Sterling
February 25th, 2010 11:56 pm
Good for you. It’s called boundary setting and is very healthy. Bill Sterling
nokia tema
February 26th, 2010 1:36 am
good move Darren ;)
ZenDarb
February 26th, 2010 3:05 am
I just did the same thing – de-friended all “friends” that had anything to do with my job and made Facebook much more personal.
Work can be like Kudzu and overtake your life. Hit it with napalm!
Gillian
February 26th, 2010 5:48 am
I feel your pain! I had to make a similar move when I was managing a Facebook account for a media personality. At first, she wanted to accept friend requests from her fans. It soon got out of control, and I had to go unfriend everyone she didn’t know. It was a nightmare! I think most people will understand why you had to do what you did. You might want to funnel people to your Fan page instead and change your privacy settings so that you are invisible. Then you can friend people you know without having to reject people you don’t, and you have total control. That’s what those tools are there for.
Paid Directories
February 26th, 2010 11:12 pm
Facebook is great. But i dont use it right now. Use facebook groups for random people, and for people who are your friends should be in your inner circle. Facebook is great for getting links, and traffic.
IPBrian
February 27th, 2010 3:41 am
I figure twitter and Facebook fan pages are for business and Facebook proper is for your close friends, family, high school chums, etc. Good that you were transparent about the whole thing, but I cant say anyone will really blame you for the change.
Liss
February 27th, 2010 10:06 am
I completely understand and it is something I’ve been torn about for awhile, whether to accept blogging friends who I dont know in real life as facebook friends or make a page. Also I dont want to spam my real life friends who dont read blogs with my blog updates….
Rob Gokee
February 28th, 2010 6:43 am
I’m doing the same thing this afternoon. It’s time for a purge.
Stefan Martens
March 2nd, 2010 4:14 pm
Darren,
Funny to read this – Sascha Lobo, a more or less famous guy in German did the same just recently when he reached the 5.000 friends mark.
He offered his friends to become his “fan” which he translated to “Friend auf Netzwerk” which is (obviously ;)) German for “Friend on Network”.
I liked this approach. He startet a dialogue on his blog, announcing this decision thereby facilitating the transition for his friends aka fans.
Another, very important thing, that lots and lots of people seem to forget:
There are excellent privacy settings on Facebook!
Sounds weird huh?
But:
You can actually control which of your friends can SEE your status updates, etc.
Just to give an example:
I put everyone of my friends into lists. I got around 250 friends and put something like 20 of them to my “close friends” list. If I wanna share something personal I just send it to them. 20 is probably not the number of really close friends as defined by real life, but it really helps!
What do you think of the list workaround?
Cheers,
Stefan
Bobbi Newman
March 3rd, 2010 2:29 am
I’ve been toying with this idea for about a year. I keep running into this snag, what about my online friends? The ones I really do interact with and would probably have dinner or beer with if we were in the same town? If I make those cuts based strictly on feelings some will stay & some will go & I worry about hurt feelings. How did you decide who made the cut? Was there backlash?
Pamela Price
March 3rd, 2010 3:29 am
I’ve shared this post with others because I think it’s the start of a BIG trend, especially now that the pages appear in the news feed. Having made a similar switch myself–though I didn’t so much “de-friend” as stop accepting friend requests from unknown folks, it’s a big relief to know the boundaries are set.
@redwhiteandgrew
Krista
March 3rd, 2010 10:01 am
Your post struck a chord and Facebook has been much more tolerable & enjoyable after removing almost 400 people I didn’t know. I think FB fan pages & Twitter are the perfect meeting places for those contacts. Love them, but everyone in one place can be plain overwhelming. Thanks for posting.
Lis Sowerbutts
March 4th, 2010 2:30 pm
Thanks Darren – you’ve pointed out a solution for me – I am nowhere near 5000 friends but I do have an unholy mixture of real world friends – who are usually more into dancing than making online and my evil friends in the MMO online – this is a cool solution and I am going to implement it – thanks!
Guillaume
March 5th, 2010 9:46 am
As I see on facebook, you could create a Fan Page separate of your personnal account. The Wordpress page has 56881 fans. This could be a solution, having personnal contacts on you own page, and create a Problogger one.
Jules
March 11th, 2010 6:00 am
I am so glad to read this. I have never made my facebook page public for the very reasons you have shared. I just finished a course and have read several posts and books where the opposite is encouraged (make it all public) and it never sat well with me. I’m glad I followed my instincts on this one.
Best of luck with your more personal FB account. I’m sure you will much prefer it over the previous one.
Anna Savoy
March 12th, 2010 11:46 am
I’ve been vacillating back and forth on this. I need a more professional page, and a separate personal page. I don’t need my college age kids asking for money in the same thread as associates and I are discussing industry issues, you know? I’ve been wondering how to…handle the announcement. Whew! Thanks for this. I’m glad there are others.
Layne
March 14th, 2010 6:43 am
Hi Darren,
Very good idea. After all, you have already created pages exclusively for your blogs, why not have one that is exclusive to your actual friends and family. When I come home from work, that’s it, I leave work at work. What you would express to close friends and family wouldn’t be the same as what you would want your general readers to be privy about. So good for you. Now you will have your own private space to keep up with your personal relationships. Those are the most important relationships.
Kudos.
-Layne
Mary
March 18th, 2010 12:05 am
Very sensible idea. It’s particularly so now that Facebook has made the idiotic decision that all ‘friends’ can see each other’s friends list. They talk about FB being a platform for social networking but never seem to consider that online relationships, just like those in real life, have different levels, and people run their lives in different compartments. It’s now got to the point that I will be having different accounts for business, personal acquaintances, and close friends. Of course, I wouldn’t have to do that if the people behind FB would stop digging their heels in and let us allow people to see exactly what we want them to see and no more, either by themselves or via other people whose relationship is closer to us.
Joe Jonson
March 18th, 2010 2:17 am
Interesting post reminds me of another gem. – Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest. – Mark Twain 1835 – 1910
ZAREMA
March 20th, 2010 12:16 am
Thanks the author for article. The main thing do not forget about users, and continue in the same spirit.
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