Comments on: “Should I flame jerks who send me hostile email?” – Dave’s Response

By: Tinus

Tinus — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 13:02:38 +0000

Outsmart them… Most of the times you just can’t lose.

By: James

James — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 10:23:25 +0000

Asking why they won’t reply in a more civilized manner alllllllways pisses them right off. Just don’t do it in public, to keep yourself from looking like an egotistical ass.

By: Sergio

Sergio — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 09:19:39 +0000

You’re absolutely right LS!
Just make them even more angry but helpless because they can’t hurt us!

By: LS

LS — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 23:36:19 +0000

When I can’t stand it and absolutely feel the need to respond somehow, the most satisfying response for me has been:

“Thanks for your comment/email. It was given all the consideration it deserves.”

Now let them figure out how you meant it … :-)

By: Joe

Joe — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 18:42:52 +0000

Often times it is best to ignore things such as this. It goes beyond email, and into any form of communication on the net or even in real life.

In my travels around the internet I’ve discovered that one of the silliest things you can possibly do is get into an argument. I’ve seen arguments spiral out of control with neither side giving an inch until someone with more authority comes in and stops it. Heck, Ive even seen arguments where one side even had almost irrifutable proof that he was correct, but the other person still wouldnt budge.

Its silly, and also a waste of time. I agree, life is too short to spend it getting bent out of shape over nonsense.

I think Tim has a good idea in his first paragraph. If there is a serious problem that does need to be discussed, then do so in a calm rational manner. I wouldnt be surprised if this helps to defuse the anger from the author and then both parties can settle the issue.

A little common sense goes a long way I guess.

By: Dave Starr

Dave Starr — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 17:48:49 +0000

A good example on one of my own blogs a couple days ago. I wrote a mini-review/comment on a new startup communication service that I felt was using the wrong technology for the job. Although I was careful to keep my post civil, it certainly minced no words in conveying the thought that the new company was foisting of a solution in search of a requirement.

One of the company executives posted a comment .. he could have easily taken the tone of “how dare you disparage us”, “you don’t know our technology”. etc. Instead, he thanked me for writing about his company, dropped a few hints about future projects and invited me to keep watching them … exactly as if I had posted as a fan rather than a skeptic.

Result? a further exchange between us regarding technical details, a better realization of the issues on both our sides, and more online publicity for his startup.

Politeness almost _always_ pays … a lesson I need to write on the blackboard 500 times, just like Bart Simpson ;-)

By: TimK

TimK — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 13:59:24 +0000

Whenever I get an email from someone who disagrees with me, I first thank them for writing. Then I respond constructively to any points we agree on. If I need to address a point on which we disagree, I make sure they know I heard and understood them and that I appreciate their point of view, even if I don’t agree.

Of course, I haven’t gotten any true hate mail. Most people who get upset just want to vent, just want to be heard. I haven’t encountered anyone who was simply out to make me feel lousy. Getting those is one step away from contacting the police, of course.

-TimK

By: E Cognito

E Cognito — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 13:49:00 +0000

Hey! As a registered and due paying nerd, I take umbrage at being lumped in with hostile people! Why, I orda…

By: Nancy P Redford

Nancy P Redford — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 07:32:39 +0000

Life is just too damb short!

Ignore, ignore ignore them.

As long as they are not:
- paying your bills
- putting food on your table
- hacked into your site
- switched off your life support machine

Why bother. Take a deep breath and get on with the next job at hand!

Reduce stress levels and IGNORE the nerds.