Blogging doesn’t have to include putting up with flaming, in fact it is still blogging (though missing something I view as crucial) without any comments at all.

Delete and ban all the gratuitous flamers, and it is they who will have to give up blogging, leaving something more intelligent for the rest of us to enjoy…

16. Don’t send messages out immediately. Especially if they are upset messages. Instead write them and then let them sit. Let them sit for a day. It won’t hurt. You may gain perspective such that you can communicate better in your response. You may even decide no response is necessary. If you do still want to respond then reread and rewrite or edit your message. Let it sit again for at least a few minutes. Get up, take a break. Do something else. Come back to it. Is it still worth sending? If yes then reread. Polish. Send. The more upsetness the more iterations of this you should do and the more likely you should not send the message.

People who are just baiting you want you to retaliate in kind, and as you have pointed out so well in your post that is hardly ever a good idea to give them the satisfaction. I’ve used the exact “technique” you descibe in point 14 to good effect: distract ‘em with something new. It really does work.

Thanks for a great post! Longer than usual but a lot of meat on the bone.

With regards to Anonymous comments – I agree with Doug that there are sometimes reasons for anonymity in comments. I personally choose not to get into them and always try to leave my name. But on my blogs I allow people to make their own choices on this. I have to admit that when I see them I cringe a little even though I know people have a right to them – I’d much rather have the chance to know who I’m having a conversation with.

The only other comment I would make is to remind people who comment here that their IP address is attatched to their comments so if they are a regular here who have commented before their comment is only Anonymous to people and not me.

Then, things started to get out of control – name calling, shouting, yelling over one another, etc. All of a sudden, I couldn’t follow the discussion. I couldn’t sort through the various arguments. It became annoying, rather than informative, and I tuned it out.

While I like a healthy debate and vigorous discussions on the blogs that I read, I tune out when it degenerates to talk radio standards. I try to maintain the same standards in my comment section, and ask everyone to conform to a modicum of civility.

It is astonishing how often the person didn’t mean what I was assuming at all. Either they are taking a “Devils Advocate” position or they left out a word that changes the meaning, or they simply meant what they said, but in a softer, more warning way, rather than an accusation.

By not hitting back with an emotional response, I not only avoided a fight, but ended up engaging in exactly the kind of dialog I want my site to have. I don’t want all “I totally agree” comments. I want to hear from people who have a different perspective. And sometimes those opinions come out much more harshly (passion can appear harsh at times) than intended.

The world is pretty small at times, but even the largest of blog arguments typically only involves a small number of people in the whole realm of things. If it seems you’ll lose your readership and your reputation will be ruined, you’re being short-sighted and ought not be blogging.

Anyways…

Darren, those first two sentences of your post are awkwardly constructed. The first one is especially awkward. You’ve typically written the way you talk, and I think if you read that sentence aloud, you’d realize just how awkward it is. I know that if you had a conversation with me and used that sentence, I’d stop you and tell you to start over and give it to me straight. Get to the point.