Whenever I see this happening on other blogs, I try to figure out what irritated the attacker, and, if it’s anything like reasonable, see if it applies to me. One constant line of criticism for anyone who offers tips, is “Where did you lift that from? I’ve read it all before many times”. So I try to give anything I write a distinctive edge, so that no-one would take it as a cut and paste job.

Good topic, Darren. One we should all take to heart, I think.

I did have a bit of a flame war with one of the readers of my personal blog because I made some judgements about an unlaunched web service. I tried to be civil but in the end I sensed that we weren’t going to get anywhere, so I ended the conversation and closed the comments section for that article. I couldn’t email the guy as he didn’t provide contact (but he did at least leave a name). It was going to get really personal unless I did something to end it – so I did. I’ve left the comments there as I don’t get rid of content (unless it’s purely spam) just because I don’t like it.

I don’t think I’d be quite so reactionary in future – I’ve left some quite strong comments on other blogs (including here, for some of Darren’s guests) which could be seen as bordering on rude (sorry!) – but I try never to make things personal. If I don’t agree with a point I’ll try not to hurt the individual with that viewpoint.

At the end of the day, comments made on the Internet have a habit of sticking around, particularly with so much aggregation. In ‘real life’ you can upset a friend in private, hurt for a couple of days, make up, its all forgotten and few other people get involved. On the Internet, you can flame someone you hardly know, and your comment can stick around for years. Heh, I’ve found archives of comments I made over 10 years ago!

How do I respond to criticism… hm. Well, when I started out my ezine, I began to request permission to publish comments, good and bad, in the next edition. There I would thank the person and address the issue. So I agree wholeheartedly with the approach you suggest – step back, listen, react gracefully, etc.

After a while, when my tips began to get widely published, the nice comments got better, and the not-so-nice comments got meaner. (there’s something about being seen as an e-celebrity that makes people forget that you’re a person and not an “entity”.)

And all of that has led me to realize that there are two types of criticism – those I can use and those I can’t.

Some of the best things people have ever said about me aren’t balanced with an unbiased viewpoint – folks that are fans of my work in general that send comments are a great ego stroke :) – and certainly make my day.

At the same time, if they’ve been said before, I can use them only as a gauge for things to keep doing, not for ways to improve. If they haven’t been said before, sometimes that will give me an idea of what I ought to start doing more of – such as categorizing my blog and/or having multiple blogs on similiar subjects on the same page.

That’s all to get to the point that this is also true of negative criticism. If someone gives me feedback telling me I shouldn’t be doing this or that thing, and what they’re complaining about works for me, I say thank you for your comments and leave it at that.

Other times, even though the comment itself sometimes come across as nasty, at the heart of it can be real frustration, or a clue to something I may indeed need to change.

So I put criticism through the same tests that I do praise.

1- Could addressing this issue help me or my audience?
2- Does the proposed request for change make sense for what I do? (Some critiques are well-meaning but don’t take into account a larger picture of how you do things. IE, full comments in feeds work best for some folks on some blog software and not for others.)
3- Is this an opportunity to build a bridge, or a reason to back away slowly with a smile?

At the end of the evaluation, I usually know how to proceed with the advice you’ve already given. Of course, that’s after a round of venting….

Within moments of reading the criticism, I write an email to them telling them exactly what I think. I tell them how wrong they are and how stupid they are, call them names, tell them they’re an insult to the human race, and so on.

Then I delete the message without sending it.

This exercise is usually very cathartic, and a bit fun, and by the time I’m done with it I feel better. After that I ignore them, or maybe write a more reasonable reply.

If you do this, just be careful, that “Send” button is a bit of a temptation.

The point being, I think those who outright attack someone should know better. It’s really bad etiquette and makes you look like an idiot when you start blasting someone for no reason.

I could see someone disagreeing with you, but why be nasty? Even if the guy is right or has valid points, the fact that person chooses to get nasty about it can invalidate his/her comment nonetheless.

And don’t get me started on the anonymous comments, those should just be totally ignored, if the person can’t own up to their own criticisms, then why bother?

Lastly, thanks for being honest and real about this, it’s not easy being a blogger, especially when you are well known in the community, so it’s great to see someone lead by example.

I agree that one of the worst things you can do is to ignore it. Address the situation in a calm, compelling manner and you’ll be alright.

“So how do you respond to criticism? What advice would you give?”

In the past, I have responded to most criticism and honestly, ignored it but replied in a nice manor. This was a mistake because I should have used it to benefit myself. Advice: Respond to the criticism well and use it.

Great article Darren.

Darren Rowse makes an excellent article on how to respond to criticism called, Responding to Blogging Criticism. As we all know, it is very hard [...]